Why can’t I cry?
I feel like I should cry.
I want to cry.
I want to mourn this loss
I need to mourn this loss
but the peace that I feel in my soul
knowing that he wanted to be free
(I could see it in his blind eyes)
has overtaken the sadness
and won’t allow me
to grieve.
Maybe I’ve already cried enough?
Is it possible to grieve a loss before it happens,
in the preparation thereof,
in the witnessing of decline?
Is my grieving taking the form of
accepting, of allowing, this emptiness?
So many questions
without
answers.
1/19/24
Karen McCaskey 