Surrender’s a word I know nothing about.
Leastways, not in any good sense of the word.
Oh, hell yeah, surrender to the shit I oughtn’t to!
But that kind ain’t sweet and never will be.
I’ve always been that fish who fears water.
That lonely bird afraid of open sky.
The one who leaves first, so I can’t be left behind.
An empty well with no bottom in sight,
that can never be truly filled.
Not with what matters, anyway.
Nope, I’ve become some black hole of neediness –
suck you right in but then push you far away,
faster than you could ever comprehend.
The darkness within is deep and permeating and
sometimes I just need to get lost in it for a while.
But I’ll find my way back, eventually.
It won’t let me stay there for long – no one belongs there,
not even me.
Sweet surrender? Ha.
3/31/24
Karen McCaskey 